How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
not ubering you a puppy
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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