I could make wine with my vomit
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
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