Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
