Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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