If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize