had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
