It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just pee around me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
