dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
