I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
