I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
