I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
