Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
