my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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