If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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