I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
