Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
