That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
