when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
