he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
