You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
