elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
