please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
