You're a womanizer and a bitch.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
