I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
