my mouth tastes like poor choices
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
