I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
