i just had sex bonerless
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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