Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
