someone threw a dead crab at me
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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