You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
