so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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