that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
