I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
