So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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