he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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