Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
