the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
