I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
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I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
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I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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