i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
