So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
