Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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