I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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