OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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