im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
