you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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