return my video game
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
