I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
