There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
