I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
How external is "for external use only"?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
