this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
