Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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