words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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