Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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