i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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