I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
