if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
