i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
