So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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