who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
