Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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