note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
