Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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