you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
