you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
