Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
