Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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