Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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