If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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