Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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