Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
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