Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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