I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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