My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
